<?xml version="1.0"?>
<ownershipDocument>

    <schemaVersion>X0304</schemaVersion>

    <documentType>4</documentType>

    <periodOfReport>2012-02-06</periodOfReport>

    <notSubjectToSection16>0</notSubjectToSection16>

    <issuer>
        <issuerCik>0000796317</issuerCik>
        <issuerName>ALLIANCE FINANCIAL CORP /NY/</issuerName>
        <issuerTradingSymbol>ALNC</issuerTradingSymbol>
    </issuer>

    <reportingOwner>
        <reportingOwnerId>
            <rptOwnerCik>0001242551</rptOwnerCik>
            <rptOwnerName>LANZAFAME SAMUEL J</rptOwnerName>
        </reportingOwnerId>
        <reportingOwnerAddress>
            <rptOwnerStreet1>2118 CONLEY ROAD</rptOwnerStreet1>
            <rptOwnerStreet2></rptOwnerStreet2>
            <rptOwnerCity>CHITTENANGO</rptOwnerCity>
            <rptOwnerState>NY</rptOwnerState>
            <rptOwnerZipCode>13037</rptOwnerZipCode>
            <rptOwnerStateDescription></rptOwnerStateDescription>
        </reportingOwnerAddress>
        <reportingOwnerRelationship>
            <isDirector>1</isDirector>
            <isOfficer>0</isOfficer>
            <isTenPercentOwner>0</isTenPercentOwner>
            <isOther>0</isOther>
            <officerTitle></officerTitle>
            <otherText></otherText>
        </reportingOwnerRelationship>
    </reportingOwner>

    <nonDerivativeTable></nonDerivativeTable>

    <derivativeTable>
        <derivativeTransaction>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Stock Unit</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <conversionOrExercisePrice>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </conversionOrExercisePrice>
            <transactionDate>
                <value>2012-02-06</value>
            </transactionDate>
            <deemedExecutionDate></deemedExecutionDate>
            <transactionCoding>
                <transactionFormType>4</transactionFormType>
                <transactionCode>A</transactionCode>
                <equitySwapInvolved>0</equitySwapInvolved>
            </transactionCoding>
            <transactionAmounts>
                <transactionShares>
                    <value>21.452</value>
                </transactionShares>
                <transactionPricePerShare>
                    <value>31.6606</value>
                </transactionPricePerShare>
                <transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
                    <value>A</value>
                </transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
            </transactionAmounts>
            <exerciseDate>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </exerciseDate>
            <expirationDate>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </expirationDate>
            <underlyingSecurity>
                <underlyingSecurityTitle>
                    <value>Common Stock</value>
                </underlyingSecurityTitle>
                <underlyingSecurityShares>
                    <value>21.452</value>
                </underlyingSecurityShares>
            </underlyingSecurity>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>31540.334</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>D</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </derivativeTransaction>
        <derivativeTransaction>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Stock Unit</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <conversionOrExercisePrice>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </conversionOrExercisePrice>
            <transactionDate>
                <value>2012-02-07</value>
            </transactionDate>
            <deemedExecutionDate></deemedExecutionDate>
            <transactionCoding>
                <transactionFormType>4</transactionFormType>
                <transactionCode>A</transactionCode>
                <equitySwapInvolved>0</equitySwapInvolved>
            </transactionCoding>
            <transactionAmounts>
                <transactionShares>
                    <value>176.381</value>
                </transactionShares>
                <transactionPricePerShare>
                    <value>31.3631</value>
                </transactionPricePerShare>
                <transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
                    <value>A</value>
                </transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
            </transactionAmounts>
            <exerciseDate>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </exerciseDate>
            <expirationDate>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </expirationDate>
            <underlyingSecurity>
                <underlyingSecurityTitle>
                    <value>Common Stock</value>
                </underlyingSecurityTitle>
                <underlyingSecurityShares>
                    <value>176.381</value>
                </underlyingSecurityShares>
            </underlyingSecurity>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>31716.715</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>D</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </derivativeTransaction>
    </derivativeTable>

    <footnotes>
        <footnote id="F1">Each Stock Unit is equal to one share of Alliance Financial Corporation stock. Stock Units are payable in Common Stock upon the reporting person's termination of service pursuant to the Alliance Financial Corporation Stock-Based Deferral Plan.</footnote>
    </footnotes>

    <remarks></remarks>

    <ownerSignature>
        <signatureName>/s/ Judy A. Schultz as Power of Attorney</signatureName>
        <signatureDate>2012-02-08</signatureDate>
    </ownerSignature>
</ownershipDocument>
