<?xml version="1.0"?>
<ownershipDocument>

    <schemaVersion>X0303</schemaVersion>

    <documentType>4</documentType>

    <periodOfReport>2011-03-21</periodOfReport>

    <notSubjectToSection16>0</notSubjectToSection16>

    <issuer>
        <issuerCik>0000796317</issuerCik>
        <issuerName>ALLIANCE FINANCIAL CORP /NY/</issuerName>
        <issuerTradingSymbol>ALNC</issuerTradingSymbol>
    </issuer>

    <reportingOwner>
        <reportingOwnerId>
            <rptOwnerCik>0001242514</rptOwnerCik>
            <rptOwnerName>ADAMS MARY PAT</rptOwnerName>
        </reportingOwnerId>
        <reportingOwnerAddress>
            <rptOwnerStreet1>506 MAIN STREET</rptOwnerStreet1>
            <rptOwnerStreet2></rptOwnerStreet2>
            <rptOwnerCity>ONEIDA</rptOwnerCity>
            <rptOwnerState>NY</rptOwnerState>
            <rptOwnerZipCode>13421</rptOwnerZipCode>
            <rptOwnerStateDescription></rptOwnerStateDescription>
        </reportingOwnerAddress>
        <reportingOwnerRelationship>
            <isDirector>1</isDirector>
            <isOfficer>0</isOfficer>
            <isTenPercentOwner>0</isTenPercentOwner>
            <isOther>0</isOther>
            <officerTitle></officerTitle>
            <otherText></otherText>
        </reportingOwnerRelationship>
    </reportingOwner>

    <nonDerivativeTable>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>9650</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>D</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>1231</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Bradford A. Adams - Spouse</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>425</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Samuel W. Adams - Son</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>425</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Benjamin R. Adams - Son</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>13000</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>By Robert Fearon Jr and Ada May Fearon TR U/A Dated 10/27/2004</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeTransaction>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <transactionDate>
                <value>2011-03-21</value>
            </transactionDate>
            <deemedExecutionDate></deemedExecutionDate>
            <transactionCoding>
                <transactionFormType>4</transactionFormType>
                <transactionCode>S</transactionCode>
                <equitySwapInvolved>0</equitySwapInvolved>
            </transactionCoding>
            <transactionAmounts>
                <transactionShares>
                    <value>900</value>
                </transactionShares>
                <transactionPricePerShare>
                    <value>33.25</value>
                </transactionPricePerShare>
                <transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
                    <value>D</value>
                </transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
            </transactionAmounts>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>1800</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Mary Pat Adams as Co-Trustee U/A of Robert H. and Ada May M. Fearon for The Children</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeTransaction>
    </nonDerivativeTable>

    <derivativeTable></derivativeTable>

    <footnotes>
        <footnote id="F1">These shares are held in a trust for the benefit of the reporting person's children.  The reporting person is a trustee of the trust.  The reporting person disclaims beneficial ownership of these securities, and the filing of this report is not an admission that the reporting person is the beneficial owner of these securities for purposes of Section 16 or for any other purpose.</footnote>
    </footnotes>

    <remarks></remarks>

    <ownerSignature>
        <signatureName>/s/ Judy A. Schultz as Power of Attorney</signatureName>
        <signatureDate>2011-03-23</signatureDate>
    </ownerSignature>
</ownershipDocument>
