<?xml version="1.0"?>
<ownershipDocument>

    <schemaVersion>X0303</schemaVersion>

    <documentType>4</documentType>

    <periodOfReport>2009-12-14</periodOfReport>

    <notSubjectToSection16>0</notSubjectToSection16>

    <issuer>
        <issuerCik>0000796317</issuerCik>
        <issuerName>ALLIANCE FINANCIAL CORP /NY/</issuerName>
        <issuerTradingSymbol>ALNC</issuerTradingSymbol>
    </issuer>

    <reportingOwner>
        <reportingOwnerId>
            <rptOwnerCik>0001242514</rptOwnerCik>
            <rptOwnerName>ADAMS MARY PAT</rptOwnerName>
        </reportingOwnerId>
        <reportingOwnerAddress>
            <rptOwnerStreet1>506 MAIN STREET</rptOwnerStreet1>
            <rptOwnerStreet2></rptOwnerStreet2>
            <rptOwnerCity>ONEIDA</rptOwnerCity>
            <rptOwnerState>NY</rptOwnerState>
            <rptOwnerZipCode>13421</rptOwnerZipCode>
            <rptOwnerStateDescription></rptOwnerStateDescription>
        </reportingOwnerAddress>
        <reportingOwnerRelationship>
            <isDirector>1</isDirector>
            <isOfficer>0</isOfficer>
            <isTenPercentOwner>0</isTenPercentOwner>
            <isOther>0</isOther>
            <officerTitle></officerTitle>
            <otherText></otherText>
        </reportingOwnerRelationship>
    </reportingOwner>

    <nonDerivativeTable>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>9650</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>D</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeTransaction>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <transactionDate>
                <value>2009-12-14</value>
            </transactionDate>
            <deemedExecutionDate></deemedExecutionDate>
            <transactionCoding>
                <transactionFormType>4</transactionFormType>
                <transactionCode>F</transactionCode>
                <equitySwapInvolved>0</equitySwapInvolved>
                <footnoteId id="F1"/>
            </transactionCoding>
            <transactionAmounts>
                <transactionShares>
                    <value>26</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </transactionShares>
                <transactionPricePerShare>
                    <value>29.92</value>
                </transactionPricePerShare>
                <transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
                    <value>D</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F1"/>
                </transactionAcquiredDisposedCode>
            </transactionAmounts>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>1231</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>D</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeTransaction>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>750</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Emma L. Adams - Daughter</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>425</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Samuel W. Adams - Son</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>425</value>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Benjamin R. Adams - Son</value>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>3000</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>Mary Pat Adams as Co-Trustee U/A of Robert H and Ada May M. Fearon for The Children</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
        <nonDerivativeHolding>
            <securityTitle>
                <value>Common Stock</value>
            </securityTitle>
            <postTransactionAmounts>
                <sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
                    <value>13000</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </sharesOwnedFollowingTransaction>
            </postTransactionAmounts>
            <ownershipNature>
                <directOrIndirectOwnership>
                    <value>I</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </directOrIndirectOwnership>
                <natureOfOwnership>
                    <value>By Robert Fearon Jr and Ada May Fearon TR U/A Dated 10/27/2004</value>
                    <footnoteId id="F2"/>
                </natureOfOwnership>
            </ownershipNature>
        </nonDerivativeHolding>
    </nonDerivativeTable>

    <derivativeTable></derivativeTable>

    <footnotes>
        <footnote id="F1">The disposition reported on this Form 4 reflects the withholding of taxes upon vesting of restricted shares.  These restricted shares were granted on January 30, 2004.</footnote>
        <footnote id="F2">These shares are held in a trust for the benefit of the reporting person's children.  The reporting person is a trustee of the trust.  The reporting person disclaims beneficial ownership of these securities, and the filing of this report is not an admission that the reporting person is the beneficial owner of these securities for purposes of Section 16 or for any other purpose.</footnote>
    </footnotes>

    <remarks></remarks>

    <ownerSignature>
        <signatureName>/s/ Judy A. Schultz as Power of Attorney</signatureName>
        <signatureDate>2009-12-14</signatureDate>
    </ownerSignature>
</ownershipDocument>
